July 30, 2012

Acupuncture with Susan last Friday.  Continuing to feel well and healthy and very un-sick!  I can’t emphasize how grateful I am for this normalcy, because I know full well the eventual ramifications of this disease.  I’m thankful for every day that I can go to work, labor in the garden, take Jake on long walks – anything that doesn’t involve cancer.  

I made the cognizant decision a while ago to make this cancer thing an insignificant part of my life.  I mean, at this point, why shouldn’t I?  It’s not affecting how I feel, it’s not influencing how I live, I’m not undergoing chemo right now – so why shouldn’t I tuck it away on the back burner?  Susan and I had this discussion on Friday.  She holds the belief that I should be fully aware at all times of this unwanted guest who’s set up housekeeping in my lymphatic system and bone marrow.  

I explained that I am indeed acutely aware that I have Stage IV Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma – it’s one of the reasons I frequently utilize the full term when describing it – and it’s never far away in my daily consciousness.  Every day, I read or research something new about it (or blog about it).  However, I’m not giving cancer the power to dictate how or what I do.  

Instead, I’m choosing to give power to:

Balance.
Levity.
Joy.
Forgiveness.
Beauty.
Mindfulness.
Strength.
Relaxation.
Tolerance.
Peace.

And, the biggest of all:  letting go. 

People and issues and past hurts that were monumental not very long ago are mere blips on the radar screen.  To be sure, I dwell, ruminate, and stew like every one else, but it’s so much easier now to give the matter due attention and then just let it go.  Life truly IS too short, ya know?  Why would one choose to fill their mind and spirit with negatives and grudges and damaging stuff?  Because that’s exactly what it is: a choice.  We all make the choice to either be pissed off or weak or bitter – or to sac up, face it head on, and roll with it (whatever “it” may be at the moment).  

Now, given that our time here is finite, how would YOU rather live?  

For me personally, the role of wounded little bird just never fit very well.  

So, I adjust my allegorical nuts, don’t give cancer any power, and make sure I do everything I can to keep it an insignificant part of my life.

And life is GOOD!

 

Jake thinks so, too!