October 22, 2012

Recommitment Day, Saturday, October 20!  

What was Recommitment Day?  Well, it’s kind of a big deal!  It’s the day where Team In Training members sign on the dotted line their promise to continue with training and fundraising, and to participate in their chosen event – in my case, the Carlsbad Half Marathon in January.  

The question of whether to continue was never even an issue - of course I’m still on for the half!  Team In Training is a dynamic, passionate, ultra-supportive group of wonderful people united in a single cause:  to kick ass on blood cancers.  

The running part, however, was kicking ass on my knees.

 

That's not funny.  OK, yeh, it is.

 

You may recall me saying (once or twice) that I’m not a runner.  Never have been.  Tried to be in high school and had the same issues:  crap-ass knees.  I was doing great with the interval training in terms of stamina, but in terms of my knees?  Not so much…..

 

Toward the end of the Team session on October 13, my knees loudly professed “ENOUGH ALREADY!”  Since then, I’ve been icing and stretching and acupuncturing and sporting a lovely and fashionable knee brace and only logged a total of 4 stinkin’ miles last week.  PATHETIC!

 

But, the down time gave me a chance to re-evaluate how I’ll accomplish the half-marathon.  And it ain’t gonna be by running.  Just as with this cancer thing, I gotta come away from it whole and intact!  So, not only did I "re-up" with Team In Training, but I recommitted to my original plan of power-walking the half-marathon, and that’s how I’ll structure my training from this point forward. 

 

Tonight’s workout was a fast-paced 4 miles along the bay, with the dual reward of only minor knee pain and a whole lotta sunset.  

 

 

A great ending to a great workout!
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

October 14, 2012

Feeling great and continuing training for the half marathon.  Yesterday’s Team workout was pivotal:  it was the first time I achieved a 5/3 interval (five minutes power-walking followed by three minutes running, repeat, repeat, repeat…..) AND was the longest and most difficult workout yet – seven miles with hills.  Didn’t come away unscathed, though – towards the end, I had to power-walk through the running because my knees just couldn’t take the pounding anymore.  By the time I got back to base, I was more than ready for some massage and energy work by Rick, the awesome massage therapist who sets up his portable table at Saturday sessions and works out any post-run hurting and soreness for us.  

Doing this workout at a 5/3 interval is amazing progress for me, the avowed non-runner.  When I began Team In Training on September 8, I could barely get through two minutes of running followed by 8-10 minutes of recovery walking, before attempting another two minutes of running.  And that was on a flat course.  Now, about a month later, it only takes me five minutes of recovery power-walking to get ready for the next running interval, which is now kicked up an extra minute to three.  With hills.  Sure, I’m paying for it with the knee and IT band pain, but that’s why we have superior coaching and structured cross-training and rest days:  to teach us how to work through the aches and pains and to give our bodies time to build back up after wearing down during workouts.  

This week was also momentous in another way:  I reached my minimum fundraising goal of $1,550.  I’m incredibly humbled and grateful for the amazing support I’ve received so far.  Up to this point, 78% of each donated dollar went directly towards research, patient and community service, and public and professional education.  Once I reached that $1,550, however, ONE HUNDRED PERCENT of every dollar I now raise will go towards these critical services.  ONE HUNDRED PERCENT.  That’s a remarkable amount – it doesn’t get any better than that.  

Being diagnosed with Stage IV Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma makes this a personal mission for me.  I must be relentless and do everything I can to help find a cure for those affected by blood cancers, and to help develop better and more effective treatments.  

Because these shitty-ass blood cancers have taken away precious time from people I love. 

And because I will be on the receiving end one day of the wondrous work done by The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society.  

But, for today, I was just another nerdy SoCal girl out for an early autumn Sunday drive through the wineries and winding hills of Temecula.  

Cancer?  What cancer?

Beautifully serene Lake Skinner on an autumn afternoon.

The power of relentlessness:  a cottonwood whose
supporting ground underneath has been eroded away,
tenaciously clinging to its place in the world.

Nerd.  But appropriately dressed in Team In Training purple!
GO TEAM!

October 8, 2012

Cancer is one rotten mother fucker.

No shit, right?

It doesn’t matter which kind, what stage or prognosis, what body parts are involved – anything with the word “cancer” in it is just fucked up.

Why do I feel this way today?  Because I learned Saturday that a sweet woman that I met a few weeks ago at the beginning of the Team In Training (TNT) season, with whom I run/walk during Saturday sessions, was just diagnosed this past week with thyroid cancer, and will undergo surgery on Wednesday.  Her family has no history or experience with cancer.  She was well into the wonderful world of TNT, bringing her warmth and charming spirit to session each week.  She is dynamic, quick to smile and laugh, and another one of those souls that one feels an instant connection with.  

Her doctor says her type of cancer is very treatable – hopefully, surgery will be all that’s needed – and her prognosis is good.  But I feel terrible for her, being suddenly hurled over into THIS side of Cancerland.  Just a short time ago, she was on the OTHER side of Cancerland, raising money to fight and cure blood cancers, training during mid-week workouts and running her ass off with us on Saturdays – and doing it all for other people.  It’s an awful thing when anyone is diagnosed with cancer.  But it’s utterly and sardonically unfair that someone who’s been giving herself for others is now one of them.  

Yes, there’s dis-ease in the world.  Yes, bad things happen to good people.  But, there’s ALWAYS good in the bad, right?  Time to turn this bus around…..

 

 

 

Caterpillars and butterflies.  

 

Wait.  What?  

 

Yes, caterpillars and butterflies.

 

Bonus daughter Catlin was recently gifted with monarch butterfly cocoons and a pot of milkweed, their habitat of choice (big thanks to Judy and Patty!), and we have been watching enthralled as the cocoons change from a gorgeous sea-glass green with gold accents, to little tight transparent glass houses, to butterflies careening about the backyard.

 

How does Nature manage to be so PERFECT?
(Photographer: Catlin Gossard)
 

 

Eventually, a magical glimpse inside the cocoon.
(Photographer: Catlin Gossard)

 

Welcome to the world!
(Photographer: Catlin Gossard)

 

Butterflies have long been symbolic of struggle, tenacity, rebirth, and freedom.  Anyone fortunate to watch the transformation has undoubtedly reflected on the parallels in their own life.  Who hasn’t endured an uphill battle and clutched tightly to a stem of reality, or found themselves protectively cocooned within the love and care of family and friends?  With time and patience, the soul unfolds and stretches and ventures into the world as a transformed spirit.  The past has passed and one is re-born into a vivid, more brilliant self.

 

The very embodiment of brilliance.

 

Sp here’s to my TNT teammate and her upcoming journey from cancer-pillar to butterfly.  A diagnosis of thyroid cancer just sucks.  But going into it with your abundance of strength and positivity, it’s certain that you’ll emerge on the other side of this adventure healthier, stronger, and even more vibrant. 

 

 

 

  

 

September 30, 2012

Who’s got time for cancer?  Training for the half marathon and fundraising for The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society (LLS) is a full time job!!!!!  (but one I am ever grateful to have!)  

For example:  

On Thursday of this week, I took an hour off work mid-day and went to the LLS San Diego Chapter office to pick up a propane griddle for a Pancake Feed Fundraiser that Team IPA will be hosting next Saturday after the workout. 

Friday was an excursion to Lightning Brewery in Poway to pick up a fabulous haul of swag that owner Jim Crute generously donated to Team IPA for the Brewery Tour Fundraiser we’ll be hosting in November.

A small sampling of Lightning Brewery's award-winning brews.

 

Jim Crute, owner of Lightning Brewery, alongside a very grateful recipient
of his generosity, smack dab in the middle of the brewing operation. 
The scent in there was heavenly!
 

Saturday it was back up to Poway for our longest Team In Training session yet, 5 miles.  Uphill.  Both ways.  OK, I made up that last part.  But the uphill portion was ass-kicking – that’s why I indulged in my newest post-session obsession: a big-ass breakfast burrito from Nando’s in Lemon Grove.

 

Eggs, ham, potatoes, and cheese, all swaddled in a perfectly grilled tortilla. Damn!

 

Today was spent shopping for supplies for the Pancake Feed: mix, butter, syrup, plates, utensils.  

 

The highlight of the week, however, was being presented the weekly Spirit Award at Saturday’s workout session by an amazing woman, TNT Mentor and teammate - Carmel.  Her words were based on the Beatles’ song, “Here Comes the Sun,” and reduced me (and several others) to a crying mess.  From the moment I met her at the first session, I knew she was someone I would form a great bond with.  She has a huge heart and a wonderful soul and is always smiling, and the abundance of positive energy that comes from her is amazing.

 

"Here Comes the Sun"

 

The weekly Spirit Award is a classic Team In Training jacket that is passed to each recipient.
Before being passed to the next, inspirational words are penned on flowing ribbons.

Motivation.

 

Cancer hasn’t taken anything from me.  On the contrary, I’ve been gifted with so freaking much since diagnosis: 

• Treasured time with Amanda.
• More time with wonderful friends.
• A healthier diet.
• A more fit lifestyle.
• The opportunity to tangibly help others affected with blood cancers.
• Training for a half-marathon for gosh sakes (that one was never even CLOSE to being on my radar).
• And having remarkable people come into my life that I would have never met otherwise.  

Lymphoma can try its hardest to inflict fear and uncertainty and unhappiness on me, but that just ain’t gonna happen.  How can it, when I’m surrounded by so much GOOD?

 

As busy as this week has been, I still found time to indulge in a bit of
retail therapy and add to my collection of good juju amulets.  A new
pillow in my power color yellow serves as a comfy affirmation. 

 

 

 

 

September 23, 2012

Another great week of feeling healthy!  Had a fabulous week of workouts for the half marathon, and incorporated even more running into my training.  For a non-runner, that's huge!

But believe me, I don’t take ANY of these weeks for granted.  I’m fully aware that I could easily become a very sick person at any time.  It’s an odd feeling to know that you have Stage IV lymphoma in your body, but otherwise feel utterly well.  Sometimes it can be a challenge to keep this cancer thing an insignificant part of my life, rather than succumbing to a full-on freak-out!  But I just keep reminding myself that my body will dictate if and when the aforementioned freak-out should occur…..and as long as my body is telling me that I feel good, my mind will, too.

Despite feeling uber-healthy, that doesn’t mean I’ve slacked off on my info hoarding (thanks, Amanda, for that label!).  I’m still gathering and devouring web articles, reports, and books, and adding to an ever-expanding binder.

 

Currently on my Cancerland Book Club reading list.....

 

The National Coalition for Cancer Survivorship has an amazing
collection of free publications and CDs in their Cancer Survival Toolbox program:
www.canceradvocacy.org

 

Also known as "Command Central," this binder contains every scan, report,
and biopsy result since I began this adventure in Cancerland.
 

 

"You're gonna need a bigger boat."  Yeh, Chief Brody?
I think we're gonna need a bigger BINDER.....

 

I’m also continuing to work in the garden.  Even though summer has technically ended, here in Southern California we’re entering the Santa Ana season, where hot, dry air blows west from the deserts.  We’ll continue to have summer-like weather throughout September, October, and sometimes into November.  Makes for a gloriously long gardening season!  

 

I’ve long believed that my backyard is my therapy, and it continues to be.  There’s something very healing about hands plying dirt, a shovel creating a hole for a new plant, and clippers trimming away old growth.  It’s all about nurturing, encouraging, blooming, thriving.  When I bought the house almost two years ago, there was nothing in the backyard, save for some sad weeds and a dreadful looking patchwork-painted fence. 

 

Before.....

 

Long therapy sessions have yielded my own peaceful, flourishing Shangri-la.

 

.....and after.

 

 

Where I do my best wine-sipping.
 

I’m a big advocate of planting trees (hmmmmm, must be the Park Ranger in me, right?!)  As the saying goes, “The best time to plant a tree was twenty years ago.  The next best time is now.”  Since buying the house, I’ve planted nine trees in the backyard.  And I’ve named or dedicated all of them to significant people in my life.  I planted the latest one yesterday, a chitalpa tashkentensis.  

 

 

The backyard's newest addition.

 

Placing her into the ground and patting fresh, new soil around her roots, I named her the Warrior Tree, after all the Stage IV lymphoma warriors who are unable to muster the energy just to leave their beds, let alone venture outside into their gardens or train for a half marathon.  

 

I think the Warrior Tree likes her new home:  when I went out to see her this morning, her buds had bloomed overnight.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

September 16, 2012

Question:  Should someone with Stage IV Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma be training for a half marathon?  

Answer:  HELL YEH!  

I’m continuing to feel better than well, and keeping right on track with the schedule set forth by Coach James and Team In Training (TNT).  There’s definitely a method to the madness when it comes to this half marathon prep, and I’m slowing figuring it out.  The most difficult workouts are the Saturday sessions, where the entire San Diego Team in Training Winter Marathon Season Team gets together for a mass training session.  Sundays are for cross training, to recover a bit from Saturday.  Mondays are a medium workout, Tuesdays are an off day (yay!), Wednesdays are an easy workout, Thursdays are medium, Fridays are an off day (yay, again!) to rest up before the Saturday long workout.  

Now, I must admit that after Saturday’s sessions, I am just a bucket of shit.  By the time I get home, I’m exhausted, tired, worn out, and pooped.  And we’re only at the beginning of the training season!  We’ve still got 17 Saturday sessions to go before the half marathon in January!  Geez – I’m not THAT out of shape am I?  Or is this the lymphoma talking?  Hard to say for sure, but I’m beginning to figure out that I just shouldn’t schedule anything for the rest of the day on Saturdays.  Weenie.
 

She looks a little too enthusiastic about her
new training jersey.....

Pre-walk/run stretching.
 

 

Post-walk/run pretzel imitation.

 

Feels so good to S-T-R-E-T-C-H.....

 

Following yesterday’s session, Roadrunner Sports presented a great shoe clinic for TNT, after which a lot of us took advantage of ShoeDog, Roadrunner’s fabulous (and free) multi-dimensional analysis of gait, arch type, running style, etc.  They can then narrow down the hundreds of brands and styles of shoes and recommend the best ones for your particular style.

 

My baby gazelle getting ready to do ShoeDog.....

 

.....and her mysteriously bloodied toes once she removed her sock.  WTH?

 

 

Someone is taking this ShoeDog thing WAY too seriously.
 

 

Video analysis of my running gait.  My ankles
collapse when I come down.  Apparently that's what happens when
your ankles absorb 3-4 times your body weight while running!  Yikes!

 

Even though I just bought a new pair of shoes not too long ago, and they were pretty much fine, they tended to crowd my outside toes because the front of the shoe was too narrow.  After trying on different pairs yesterday, I finally stepped into a pair of Brooks Glycerin (one of the recommendations by ShoeDog) and finally had enough room to spread my little piggies!  It’s amazing what a difference a wider “toe box” makes!

 

Beautiful brand-new turquoise Brooks, outfitted with my brand-new
Amphipod, a little duffle bag that attaches to my shoe to hold my keys.
Dorky?  YES!  But uber-functional!

 

Wait a minute – wasn’t this supposed to be a blog about this cancer thing?  How did it become a blog about training for a half marathon?!!?  

 

It’s not.  

 

It’s still a blog about my daily skirmish with Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma.  Taking on the half marathon is a huge part of me saying a continual and ebullient FUCK YOU! to cancer.  Because as long as I can keep to the workout schedule, enjoy my awesome Team TPA teammates during our regular dinner meetings, and complete the Saturday training sessions, the power stays with ME, not this cancer thing.  

 

Never give in.  Never give up.

 

 

September 9, 2012

Yesterday morning was the kickoff training session for the San Diego Team In Training Winter Marathon season!  GO TEAM!!!!!  

I’m still kinda in denial that I’m even breathing the same air as these people.  The coaches, mentors, volunteers, and team members are all so incredibly kind and giving and welcoming, even to a SO non-athlete such as moi!  The essential thread running through every message is “YOU CAN DO IT!”   

 

Coach James inspiring and motivating dozens of
runners and walkers for the 2013 winter season -
under a balmy early autumn morning sky. 

 

Even though some of them are veterans of years of marathons, triathlons, etc., they genuinely want to do everything they can to help even a newbie team member achieve their goal.  For me, it’s to finish (injury-free) 13.1 miles on January 27, 2013.  

They have this training thing down to a science:  A, B, or C group, depending on your skill level.  A is for beginners (and pre-beginners!), B is if you’re currently doing some level of regular activity (running, walking, jogging), and C is for the hard-core, bad-ass fitness studs (I humbly bow in their presence…..). 

One of the hard-core, bad-ass studs, my baby Amanda.
Apparently, 26 years ago I gave birth to a GAZELLE.....

Even though I’m putting miles under my shoes every night after work with the pumped-up power-walks, I put myself in the A’s, because of the gradual stamina build-up.  For example, yesterday we did three miles at 10/2: ten minutes walking, two minutes jogging, ten minutes walking, two minutes jogging, etc.  Over the season, the running will gradually increase and the walking will decrease.  The structured plan and weekly work-out calendar are exactly what I’ve needed to build up my endurance, and the warm-ups at the weekly training sessions will give me the tools to avoid any more unnecessary ankle boo-boos. 




 

Favorite daughter and LaLa looking fit and FABULOUS during warm-ups!
 

Note to self: No more handing the camera to Amanda during warm-ups.....

Multi-tasking: walking, flashing a peace sign, AND eating a power bar. Now that's talent.....

San Diegans are spoiled with awesome weather
and  spectacular views during training!
 

Talking to several people on the course yesterday, I learned their personal stories and why they joined Team In Training.  It made me a lot more focused on why I’M doing this.  First and foremost, it’s in memory of Amanda’s dad, Glenn, and his battle against multiple myeloma. 

Lake Powell will always be infused with Glenn's spirit.

But I’m also doing this for all the Stage IV blood cancer warriors who are - at this very moment - tethered to IV bags dripping chemo toxins into their bodies.  

Who are confined to hospital beds because their immune systems are failing them.  

Who woke up this morning to find clumps of hair on their pillow, and will find more in the shower drain.  

Who face fear and uncertainty and pain as they undergo surgery today.  

Who spent the night wretching and puking and can’t even fathom ever eating again.  

Who lack the strength to wrap their arms around the neck of their child or their loved one – or their sweet doggie.

 

I’m doing this because I CAN.  

Because, even though this cancer thing is Stage IV, I’m not where they are.  

Because, no matter what pain or injuries I may experience during the course of this training season, it will be nothing - NOTHING - compared to what they are going through – and what I could be going through right now.  

And because I am ever-grateful that, for the time being, I can still live my somewhat-normal life.  

And because…..